Keep Marriage Exciting (Even After Kids)

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Nobody wants to be in a boring marriage!  Is it possible to keep marriage exciting after having kids?  These 5 do-able tips might just help you rekindle your marriage after children!

As you make plans for your wedding day, everything is so exciting, isn’t it?

Getting married feels like a forever happiness as you’re making arrangements and planning your future together.  After the honeymoon ends, however, real life begins.

Even really devoted couples may find themselves a little bored in their marriages.

I mean, you will love your spouse, but spending day in and day out with the same individual can eventually feel mundane.  If you’re not careful, this can take a toll on your relationship and make you both feel unsatisfied.

Because of this, it’s important couples not naively believe their marriage will remain exciting without some effort.  Believe it or not, as a couple, you have to take some steps to keep your marriage exciting.

Keep marriage exciting with a couple's trip - couple in front of porsche

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Signs of an Unhappy Marriage

Marriage is a journey filled with ups and downs, and while occasional rough patches are normal, it’s essential to recognize when unhappiness becomes a persistent issue. Identifying the signs of an unhappy marriage is the first step towards addressing the underlying problems and working towards a happier, more exciting partnership. Here are some key indicators to watch out for:

Communication Breakdown

  • Frequent Arguments: If you and your spouse find yourselves arguing over minor issues or having heated disagreements without resolution, it may be a sign of communication breakdown.
  • Avoidance: If you or your partner consistently avoid discussing important matters or are reluctant to engage in open, honest conversations, it can hinder emotional intimacy.

Emotional Distance

  • Lack of Affection: A noticeable decline in physical affection, such as hugs, kisses, or holding hands, may indicate emotional distance.
  • Feeling Isolated: When you both feel emotionally isolated and disconnected from each other, it can lead to loneliness and dissatisfaction.

Decreased Intimacy

  • Lack of Intimacy: A decline in sexual activity or a lack of interest in physical intimacy is often a sign of underlying marital issues.
  • Emotional Intimacy: A lack of emotional intimacy, including the sharing of thoughts and feelings, can also contribute to an unhappy marriage.

Resentment and Blame

  • Constant Blame: When one or both partners frequently blame each other for problems without taking responsibility, it can foster resentment.
  • Unresolved Resentment: Lingering resentment from past conflicts or unresolved issues can erode marital happiness.

Different Priorities

  • Misaligned Goals: If you and your spouse have significantly different life goals, values, or priorities and cannot find common ground, it can lead to marital dissatisfaction.
  • Neglecting Each Other: When individual pursuits consistently take precedence over spending quality time together, it can strain the marriage.


  • Feeling Alone Together: Marital unhappiness can manifest as a feeling of loneliness, even when you are physically together.
  • Lack of Emotional Support: If you don’t feel supported or understood by your partner during challenging times, it can intensify feelings of isolation.

Neglecting Each Other’s Needs

  • Ignoring Needs: Failing to address each other’s emotional, physical, and psychological needs can lead to discontentment.
  • Emotional Neglect: Emotional neglect occurs when partners fail to show empathy or provide emotional support during difficult moments.

Decline in Quality Time

  • Lack of Shared Activities: If you rarely engage in shared activities or spend quality time together, it can contribute to a sense of distance.
  • Overcommitment: An overly busy schedule, especially with individual commitments, can leave little time for nurturing the marriage.

Recognizing these signs of an unhappy marriage is crucial, but it’s equally important to remember that seeking help and working together can often lead to positive changes. If you identify with several of these signs in your relationship, it may be time to consider professional guidance to address underlying issues and work towards a happier, more fulfilling marriage.

Remember that every marriage is unique, and the presence of these signs does not necessarily mean your relationship is doomed. With effort, understanding, and open communication, couples can often overcome these challenges and rekindle the excitement in their marriage.

Why a Boring Marriage Can Be Harmful

While it’s natural for marriages to settle into routines and comfort zones over time, a consistently boring marriage can have detrimental effects on both partners and the relationship as a whole. Here, we’ll explore why allowing your marriage to become overly monotonous can be harmful:

1. Emotional Disconnection: A persistently boring marriage can lead to emotional disconnection between partners. When the excitement and novelty in a relationship wane, it’s easier to drift apart emotionally. This emotional gap can create feelings of loneliness and detachment, eroding the intimacy that’s vital for a healthy marriage.

2. Decreased Relationship Satisfaction: In a marriage that lacks excitement and fulfillment, partners may experience a decline in overall relationship satisfaction. This dissatisfaction can lead to resentment, frustration, and even a sense of regret about the marriage, putting a strain on the partnership.

Remember, a little boredom from time to time is normal, but if you find that your marriage is consistently dull, it’s essential to address these issues to prevent them from festering and potentially causing long-term harm to your relationship.

5 Tips to Keep Marriage Exciting (Even After Kids)

Is marriage boring?

Yah!  It totally can be!

But, boring is also a really strong word with a really negative tone.  Maybe marriage isn’t as boring as it is comfortable.  And through that comfort, perhaps couples tend to work less at keeping things exciting and fun!

But you don’t have to be stuck in a boring/comfortable marriage … you both just have to remain committed to your vows and work to keep marriage exciting.  Try new things, look for ways to continually connect, and reconnect if you need to.

Ivy and buddy at the gun range for couple's hobby outing |

1. Have Independent Interests

Although I’ve struggled with this at the beginning of my marriage, I’ve since changed my tune after having kids.  While we enjoy our hobby together, I’ve found the importance of having my own thing.

Look, I think the couple that races together stays together, but you both also need separation.

While it’s great to have similar interests and share a hobby as a couple, it’s also important to your relationship to have separate interests.

Essentially, if you both do the same things and spend every waking moment together, what will you have of interest to say to each other?

Spend an appropriate amount of time on your own hobbies and interests so that you bring something unique and fresh to your conversations.  This will ensure you both have something interesting and exciting to talk about when you are together.

Do not spend so much time away from each other, however, that it makes your significant other feel unimportant.  You must continue to strike balance in your relationship.

Related: SAHM Hobbies

2. Spontaneous Events

Thinking back to the years you were dating, you probably never realized how important spontaneous events were for your relationship.  They just sort of happened and you took them for granted.

Once you’re married and real-life takes over, you become busy and have increased obligations, especially after having children.

We tend to rely upon the strength of our relationships as we grow comfortable in them.  But, doing so will work against spontaneity.

Keep your marriage exciting by mixing things up and planning something new.

Is there a movie or TV show your spouse has been dying to see?

Is there a new restaurant in town you’d both like to try?

Make an effort to be spontaneous on occasion to keep things fresh and exciting in your marriage.

3. Never threaten separation

While this isn’t exactly a rule to keep marriage exciting, it is meant to keep your marriage healthy and alive.

In order for a relationship to remain exciting and to grow, both parties should feel confident in the marriage commitment you made to each other.

While it may seem like a harsh rule, you should consider establishing an understanding that if you threaten separation, you need to be prepared to head out the door to back it up.

If you want to survive the ups and downs that are part of all marriages, it’s important to stick with this rule.

Ivy and Buddy together keep marriage exciting |

4. Weekend Trips

A sure-fire way to keep marriage exciting is to take a vacation, just the two of you.  When you have children, this will surely become even more of a priority.

Take some time away from the kids to rekindle your romance!

With all of your obligations and costs associated with a full-blown vacation, it may be hard to justify.  Instead, consider a one night or weekend trip to someplace local.

Plan dinner and an evening out, capping it off with a night or two in a local hotel.

When you consider the benefits of the quality time spent on a couples vacation, the expense of even a short trip like this can more easily be justified.

5. Spice up the bedroom

Finally, spicing things up in the bedroom will go a long way to bring excitement into any relationship.

Whether or not you wish you believe it, your sex life has a strong influence on the strength and satisfaction of your marriage.

The final tip to bring excitement into any relationship is to spice things up in the bedroom.

Your sex life has a strong correlation with the strength and satisfaction of your relationship. So try exploring a new position or even a sexual fantasy or adult toy with your partner, and in so doing share something intimate and bring some excitement into your marriage.

Need some help in the flirting with the husband department?  Check out these sexy, flirty memes to send him!

6. Bonus Tip: LAUGH

I know I said 5 tips, but I’m giving you a bonus!

Find ways to laugh with each other to keep your marriage alive!  Laughter is the best medicine, after all.

Play silly games or watch stupid shows on Netflix.

Do something random and catch him off guard!

One of my favorite things to do is come down the stairs, turn my old booty to his office door and shake it around.  This simple act makes him smile and helps with #5 as well.

Additional Resources

Continuing to improve and maintain a vibrant, exciting marriage is an ongoing journey. If you’re looking for more guidance, insights, and support, consider exploring these additional resources:

1. Books on Marriage and Relationship Enrichment
2. Online Relationship Courses
  • The Gottman Institute (Gottman Method): The Gottman Institute offers a variety of online courses based on research-backed techniques for couples seeking to improve communication, manage conflict, and reignite the spark in their relationship.
  • This website offers a wide range of articles, quizzes, and courses covering various aspects of marriage, from communication skills to intimacy building.
3. Counseling and Therapy Services
  • Licensed Marriage and Family Therapists: Consider seeking the expertise of a licensed therapist or counselor who specializes in relationships and marriage. They can provide tailored guidance and support to address specific challenges you may be facing.
4. Relationship Blogs and Forums
  • Reddit’s r/relationship_advice: An online community where you can seek advice, share experiences, and learn from others facing similar challenges in their relationships.
  • The Marriage Bed: A blog and forum dedicated to helping couples improve their sexual intimacy, with discussions, resources, and expert advice.

Tell Me: Are There Other Ways to Keep Marriage Exciting?

Do you have trouble with excitement in your marriage?

Is your marriage boring?

Hopefully my tips help bring excitement back to your marriage, but I’m always looking for more ways to rekindle my marriage.


Discover the secrets to help you keep marriage exciting, even after having kids!

This post originally appeared on this on July 30, 2018 and has been updated from it’s original version. We have been provided exclusive rights to this content.

Ivy B

I'm a work-from-home (previously stay-at-home) mom of two beautiful children and married since 2009. Because I prioritize my relationship with my husband, I've seen tremendous benefits in marriage and want to help couples achieve happiness in their relationships. When I'm not busy with work and family, you might find me blogging, out at a race track, or on a Rally course.

3 thoughts on “Keep Marriage Exciting (Even After Kids)

  1. These are really great tips! I don’ think I was fully prepared for all the changes in marriage after having kids – we have learned a lot and had to work hard and intentionally to make time for one another. I am so thankful to have a husband who is committed to doing the hard work with me.

  2. Ivy, you make an excellent point about how spicing up your sex life in the bedroom can have a strong influence on the overall strength of your marriage. My wife and I have been trying to schedule weekly dates so we can continue to enjoy each other’s company and stay close even though we have four young children. We’ve also looked into purchasing some toys to keep things spicy and interesting in the bedroom.

  3. This is the best article I have come across on the Internet. Your advices really work! Thanks for what you are doing. I know so many couples who can’t find the strength to work together on relationships. And I’m so sad to learn that the only solution they came up with was to file for divorce. Lord, they must at least try to save the marriage!

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