My Marriage Comes First: How I Benefit from Prioritizing My Husband

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I always sing praises about my husband and I love to share my ideas on a healthy marriage, but I feel like it’s important to share why I believe in prioritizing my spouse.  These are the benefits you may realize when your marriage comes first.

It had been a rough week.  I migrated my site to a new hosting company and relieved my previous host of it’s duties early.  I then found out I wouldn’t be receiving a refund for the 3 years I’d pre-paid for.  That hurt.

I’d been keeping a secret vacation plan from the kids, which made it awfully difficult to get them to try on their summer swim gear without tons of questions from the 6 year old.  Because I need you to be prepared for summer, damnit!  Okay, that’s what I wanted to say, but I toned it down by removing damnit!

I was making plans for the rest of summer vacation, ordering summer reading books for the oldest, printing things to keep them busy, trying to make plans for a second trip.  I was trying to run a blog and a newish Etsy shop.  And, I was doing all the mom stuff.

Durring the kiddo’s last two weeks of school I realized I’d been dropping the ball on a lot of stuff.

Ivy with husband at a restaurant near Atlanta

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And then? 

The dog’s recent excessive bum-licking turned into a bloody nightmare, requiring an unplanned visit to the veterinarian to find out she needed a minor procedure.  All the while, my darling son is crying, screaming, climbing chairs, turning off lights, throwing things, and trying to escape the room.  I can’t give the vet 100% of my attention.  All I can do is constantly apologize.  But, I feel like she already hates me and my kid. 

I don’t really blame her.  Being a toddler mom makes me crazy!

I had to make another run out of the house to pick up the dog.  This time, I get to tote the screaming banshee and a pouting 6 year old into the office to retrieve our dog who now requires 3 medications and constant supervision to make sure she doesn’t ooze anything on the floor or couch.

This day couldn’t be any more stressful.

I came home to an understanding husband who is cooking dinner for us, trying to lighten the load for me. 

I’m grateful …

But then, he wants to change up plans on me for the weekend.

The details don’t matter.  I tell him “at this moment, I just want to tell you f*** no! But, I’m in a terrible frame of mind right now.”  Of course, I have to explain everything I’m feeling.

I burst into tears.

He consoles me.  Talks me down from my proverbial ledge.  I’m told to sit down, take it easy, and he’ll plate everyone’s meals.

I begin to relax.

Ivy with husband riding in the jeep |

My Marriage Comes First, Which Means…

And I realize, in moments like these, I’m reaping the reward of having put my husband before myself and my kids. 

Moments like these when I’m not thinking straight, incapable of taking on more, or having plans changed on me.  I can maturely speak my mind while also relaying the message that I’m not in the best frame of mind to make a well-thought choice in a matter.  I don’t offend him, I can speak freely, and he’s completely willing to listen to what I have to say … once I’m calm, anyway.

It’s these kind of moments when we can sit down and rationalize a conversation and he’s able to hear me because I’m not constantly nagging.  He knows I’m always trying my best to put his needs first.  And when I just feel like I can’t, he knows I’m not just being a bitch.

Ivy with husband out to see a movie on date night without kids |

This is the benefit I receive. 

When I just can’t deal, my husband listens.  He helps.  He consoles. He talks me down.  He’s understanding.  This, because deep down he appreciates me, even if he doesn’t say it often. 

And, it’s moments like these I realize how little I need him to say it, because these big moments when I blow a fuse, he shows me in the most sincere way.  By offering his love, guidance, and shoulder to cry on …

… not to forget, a night I don’t have to cook and serve everyone else.

I really admire my husband for recognizing those sacrifices and showing his appreciation in this way!

What it Means to Put Your Marriage First

Although we’re not church-goers, bible-thumpers, or whatever other term might be associated with the belief that marriage comes first, we can still find this practice useful!

Prioritizing your marriage, or spouse, over everything means you’re living up to your commitment/vows.  You’re prioritizing your partner’s needs, feelings and wellbeing over other people or things.  This helps to build the sense of “we” … the togetherness, connection and a team spirit.

Does that mean I have to always put me or my kids behind my spouse?


In fact, you’ll find there’s always the ebb and flow of life, and the more you practice putting your spouse first, the more balance that naturally occurs (at least, that’s what I’ve found).

But if you’re always prioritizing yourself or your children, your spouse will find it necessary to balance it out without you.  And that’s not a good place for your relationship.

In fact, Yvonne Thomas, a psychologist, tells The Knot that “If you have an emotionally solid marriage with a good foundation, your children will feel happier, more stable and more secure.”

Reasons to Prioritize Your Marriage: A Harvest of Happiness

Life is a juggling act of commitments, jobs, kids, and personal dreams. And in the hustle and bustle, it’s easy to let the heart of the home, your marriage, dim to a flicker. But prioritizing your partner isn’t a luxury, it’s a strategic investment in your own happiness and the well-being of your entire family. Here are just a few of the delicious fruits you’ll reap when your marriage takes center stage:

1. A Personal Powerhouse: When you nurture your partner’s dreams and goals, you create a ripple effect of encouragement. Their success becomes your shared victory, fueling your own ambitions and creating a dynamic duo unstoppable by doubt. Imagine celebrating each other’s milestones, supporting each other’s passions, and knowing you’re both on a team cheering each other on from the sidelines. This shared energy propels you both to greater heights, making you individually stronger and more empowered.

2. A Fortress Against Uncertainty: Life throws curveballs, some gentle lobs, others bone-jarring fastballs. But with a strong marriage at your core, you can weather any storm together. From job loss to health scares, from family dramas to unexpected joys, your partnership becomes a safe haven, a fortress built on trust, compassion, and unwavering support. You know, no matter what life throws your way, you have a hand to hold, a shoulder to cry on, and a voice whispering, “We got this.”

3. An Everlasting Playground: Remember those giddy butterflies from the early days? Prioritizing your marriage keeps that spark alive. Make date nights a priority, explore hidden corners of your city together, laugh over silly jokes, and steal those fleeting moments of intimacy. It’s not about grand gestures, but about choosing to connect, to keep the flame of romance flickering brightly even when life throws in a bucket of rain.

4. A Masterclass in Communication: Marriage is a crash course in communication, a constant dance of “I” and “we.” By prioritizing your partner, you learn to listen truly, to express honestly, and to navigate conflict with empathy and understanding. These skills spill over into every aspect of your life, making you a better parent, a stronger friend, and a more effective communicator in all your endeavors.

5. A Legacy of Love: Your marriage isn’t just about you and your partner, it’s a living example for your children, your family, and your friends. By prioritizing your relationship, you demonstrate the power of love, commitment, and partnership. You send a silent message that communication, compromise, and respect are the cornerstones of a fulfilling life. This legacy, woven with laughter, tears, and unwavering support, is the most precious heirloom you can leave behind.

So, don’t relegate your marriage to the back burner. Invest in it, nurture it, and watch it blossom into a source of strength, joy, and unwavering love. Remember, a happy marriage isn’t just a cherry on top, it’s the secret ingredient that makes the whole banana split of life sweeter, richer, and infinitely more satisfying.

Tell me: Do you practice putting your marriage first?  What benefits do you see from if it you do?

This post originally appeared on July 9, 2018 at We have been provided rights from the original owner


Marriage comes first - secrets to the benefits of prioritizing your marriage

This post originally appeared at We have been given exclusive rights to this content and updated it accordingly.

Ivy B

I'm a work-from-home (previously stay-at-home) mom of two beautiful children and married since 2009. Because I prioritize my relationship with my husband, I've seen tremendous benefits in marriage and want to help couples achieve happiness in their relationships. When I'm not busy with work and family, you might find me blogging, out at a race track, or on a Rally course.

4 thoughts on “My Marriage Comes First: How I Benefit from Prioritizing My Husband

  1. It can be easy to put my husband last because he is an adult who can take care of himself, so thank you for the reminder to keep pouring into him. We are a team!

  2. Putting the husband first is so important and it took me a while to start doing that while my son was very little. Of course, it was partially due to him being away for a long stretch of time.

  3. Prioritizing your marriage, or spouse, over everything means you’re living up to your commitment/vows.

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