Can You Have a Happy Marriage With Kids?
Is it possible to have a good marriage after becoming parents? Absolutely! 7 awesome tips for a happy marriage with kids, even when you don’t think you have the time.
Most people go into a marriage with high spirits, full of romantic notions about how good their marriage will be. They go into it, accepting with open hearts, that they’re going to spend the rest of their lives together. And, it’s almost impossible not to believe they’re always going to be in love … just the way they feel on their wedding day.
It’s a beautiful notion, but quite far-fetched. The truth is, while you can always love your partner, it’s difficult to maintain the same level of passion throughout their years of marriage.
This is just one lesson I’ve learned in 8 years of marriage.
It’s important to go into a marriage with realistic expectations. And believing the high you’re on when you first get married will last forever is, sadly, very unrealistic.
I’m always sad to hear about marriage dissolving because one (or both) partners didn’t feel the same as they had when they were married. I can’t help but wonder if they simply had hit a roadblock because they were no longer able to maintain the fervor for their relationship with each other.
I know there have been times in my own marriage I’d wondered if we still loved each other. I’ve wrestled with similar thoughts about not loving my husband like I used to. But, when I really take a look at my marriage, I realize it is a good one.
I do love my husband. It isn’t the same as it was. It’s a different love. In many ways, I love him more than I did when we were first married. Our lives have changed, therefore our love has changed. We’ve had two children. Our attention is divided. We’re busy. Sometimes we forget to show our love to each other.
None of it means something is wrong. It just means our relationship is evolving and adapting with the life we’re creating together.
I want to share 7 ways parents can continue to have a happy marriage with kids.
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What is a Good Marriage?
It’s also not bad to question our love for each other. In a good marriage, both partners can discuss when they feel their marriage is becoming monotonous. They can recognize they’re in a slump. And, they can work on it together.
A good marriage doesn’t just happen. It’s made good through both parties being devoted to the relationship. Both parties must be willing to put in the hard work to make a marriage good and keep it that way.
A good marriage will stimulate both of you. Maybe not at the same time. But you should both experience joy to have each other in your lives.
At the same time, a good marriage will not erase each other’s individuality. Instead good partners encourage and support each other’s differences, so long as they’re healthy and won’t harm the marriage itself.
Secrets for a Happy Marriage With Kids
One of this mom’s 2018 goals is to continue to put effort into my marriage. I feel lucky to have a marriage worth fighting for and I don’t want to take it for granted. This is how we strengthen our marriage, still after 8 years!
#1 Don’t put your kids first
This is one of the things my husband wanted me to know about being a mom. Once I learned it, I realized just how important it was to stop putting them first. So, it deserves the first spot in tips for a happy marriage with kids.
#2 Be spontaneous
It’s not bad to keep each other guessing. Even though I’m a huge planner, sometimes I must remember to just let go and do things on a whim. A predictable marriage can become boring.
#3 Have similar interests
Get out (or stay in) and do something you and your spouse both enjoy! The key is togetherness. Create memories and share common interests with your spouse.
#4 Have different interests
Don’t become so obsessed with your spouse that you can’t do anything separately. Having separate interests will go a long way in holding various conversations. This is a great way to continue to learn more about each other, and not be dependent on one another. His varied interests constantly remind me why I admire my husband.
#5 Spice up your love life
Boredom is a relationship killer. Get a little adventurous (and spontaneous) and try something new in the bedroom. Of course, always have a safe-word if things get more intense than you’re comfortable with.
Experimenting in the bedroom is a great way to learn to appreciate and communicate with each other. But, don’t forget that being overly critical can kill the mood, too.
#6 Don’t forget to have fun
Create memories and enjoy each other’s company. Remember the good times when you were just dating? You likely tried to impress each other and worked hard not to do something that would turn each other off. Don’t take it for granted that you’re married. Sometimes it’s fun to date each other.
#7 Make time away from the kids
Take date nights. Take a night away. Heck, take a whole weekend or week vacation alone. Make time for your relationship on occasion. Let someone else watch the kids and really give each other your full attention. Pretend you’re newlyweds again and reignite the spark you had when you were first married.
I know my relationship isn’t perfect. There’s no guarantee it will last forever. That’s true of anything. But, that’s no excuse not to give it everything you have, right now, to try and make this a good marriage. And, just hope it build a firm foundation for a lasing marriage.
Tell me: What’s your favorite tips for a happy marriage with kids?
This post originally appeared March 2018 at SAHM, plus… and has been updated with some of the latest information to keep my tips for parents to have a happy marriage with kids relevant!
This is really great advice! We’re coming up on 8 years of marriage ourselves. I think another tip I would add is to communicate with one anothe.
ABSOLUTELY. Every good relationship has communication. And the longer you’re together, the more efficiently you communicate with one another 😀
We struggle w/ alone time due to schedules and our budget. Thankfully, we have a friend who’ll take our son for a sleepover every once in awhile.
We really struggle with getting time alone, because no one can handle our son. We really need to up our game and try harder.
Great Article,
Your article provides great tips for a happy marriage as parents. Every married couple should spend some time alone and do some adventurous and romantic activities, it makes your relationship strong. Thanks for sharing such great article with us.
This is some really good information about getting ready for marriage. It is good to know that you should make sure that you be realistic. That does seem like a good thing to do with your finances and with your expectations of married life as well.
Hey Ivy, Yes I agree that the one can find happiness is marriage but you have to do your part. I’ve been married for 23-years and until today I’m very happy, maybe because I’m a simple guy and it does not take much to please me. Most marriages have problems because someone in the marriage is the difficult one if you know what I mean. One on the things I find out about being married is not to compare each other, everyone is different and will do thing different.
Thank you for sharing this.