Gratitude in Hardship: The Marriage-Saving Habit Couples Overlook
Marriage isn’t always sunshine and romance. There are seasons of stress, disconnection, and frustration that test even the strongest relationships. Whether it’s the slow erosion of intimacy from life’s daily stressors or major upheavals like financial strain, parenting challenges, or health issues, hard times can make gratitude feel like an impossible practice.
I know this firsthand.
Perimenopause hit me like a truck, and I withdrew emotionally, physically, and mentally from my husband. I didn’t want to participate in life, and it affected our communication, our emotional connection, and our intimacy. He felt the loss deeply, but I didn’t recognize it until the day he said he wanted a divorce.
That wake-up call forced me to take a hard look at myself and our marriage, and I realized that I was letting my struggles consume me at the expense of my husband, my family, and the life we had built together.
That’s when gratitude became more than just an abstract concept—it became a tool for healing, reconnecting, and choosing my marriage again. If you’re in a tough season, here’s how gratitude can help you and your spouse stay strong together.
5 Pillars of Gratitude in Marriage
Gratitude isn’t about ignoring problems—it’s about shifting perspective and strengthening the foundation of your marriage. These five pillars of gratitude can help you stay connected even in challenging times:
- Acceptance – Hardships are inevitable. Accepting that struggles are part of life allows you to find ways to grow together instead of pulling apart.
- Perspective – When times are tough, gratitude shifts your focus from what’s wrong to what’s still good.
- Resilience – Couples who practice gratitude are better equipped to weather emotional storms together.
- Connection – Expressing gratitude prevents emotional distance and reinforces appreciation.
- Commitment – Gratitude reminds you why you chose your spouse and why you continue choosing them.
I learned that when my husband and I faced difficulties, gratitude gave us a way to reframe the situation. Instead of feeling like we were battling each other, we started viewing challenges as something we could tackle together.
Why Gratitude Helps During Challenging Times
Gratitude isn’t just a nice idea—it’s a lifeline in difficult seasons. Here’s why gratitude is beneficial in marriage (not just during difficult times):
- It reduces resentment. When my husband told me he wanted a divorce, I could have focused on how hurt I was. Instead, I asked questions and tried to understand his perspective. What I found was that he still saw me as his best friend and missed spending time and being intimate with me. That changed everything.
- It strengthens your emotional bond. Hardships create distance if left unchecked, but gratitude helps bridge that gap by reinforcing the good that still exists between you.
- It shifts you from blame to teamwork. When times get tough, it’s easy to start pointing fingers. Gratitude reminds you that you’re a team and that working through struggles together is more important than “winning” an argument.
- It lowers stress. Life’s pressures don’t go away, but gratitude helps keep the weight from feeling unbearable.
A great example of this is when my husband and I were exhausted from parenting young kids. We were constantly irritated with each other, snapping over small things. But when I took a step back and focused on what I appreciated—how hard he worked, how loving he was with the kids, how he still made me laugh—it made those tough days feel less suffocating.
Gratitude kept me from seeing him as my enemy and reminded me that he was my partner.
How to Practice Gratitude During Hardships
Gratitude doesn’t erase challenges, but it makes them easier to face together. Here are practical ways to practice gratitude when times are tough:
1. Daily “Hardship Appreciation” Check-In
Even when you’re feeling disconnected, make it a habit to share one thing you’re grateful for about your spouse.
- Example: “I know we’re overwhelmed, but I appreciate how you always make me laugh.”
2. Reframe Negative Situations
Instead of focusing on what’s wrong, ask: “How will this challenge make us stronger?”
- Example: Financial struggles → Learning teamwork in budgeting.
When we faced financial strain, I could have stayed resentful about what we couldn’t afford. Instead, I started noticing how my husband was resourceful and creative in finding ways to make things work. That gratitude kept me from spiraling into frustration.
3. The “Thank You Even When You’re Mad” Rule
In the middle of an argument or tense moment, find one thing to appreciate about your spouse.
- Example: “I’m frustrated, but I appreciate that you’re still here talking this out with me.”
4. Write a “Hard Times Love Letter”
Look back at the hardships you’ve overcome together and reflect on the strength of your relationship.
- Example: “Remember when we thought we wouldn’t make it through X? Look where we are now.”
5. Be Mindful of the Good
It’s easy to focus only on what’s wrong. Instead, make it a habit to consciously recognize the positive moments, no matter how small.
- Example: When you’re feeling frustrated, pause and remember something good your spouse did recently.
The hard seasons of marriage can make you feel like you’re fighting against each other when you should be fighting for each other. Gratitude won’t fix everything overnight, but it builds a foundation of appreciation, connection, and resilience that can help you weather any storm together.
Gratitude reminds us of the good in our spouse, why we chose them, and why we continue choosing them—even on the hardest days. So if you’re struggling, start small. One thank-you a day can keep resentment away.
Want to strengthen your marriage with gratitude? Join my free 7-Day Marriage Gratitude Challenge and start rebuilding connection today.
