Marriage on the Rocks? Why Divorce Isn’t the Answer

When the going gets tough in a marriage, it’s tempting to think that divorce might be the quick fix. But before you start packing your bags or dialing up a lawyer, let’s take a step back. Divorce might seem like the solution to all your problems, but in reality, it can rob both you and your partner of the chance to grow, learn, and come out stronger on the other side.

When Divorce Feels Like the Only Option

Have you ever been hiking on a trail you’ve never been on and get so far only to realize that the trail markings have been wildly confusing and you’ve gotten a little lost?

My husband and I went hiking at Red Rock Canyon and found ourselves lost at approximately the same time as a woman came up behind us realizing she was also lost. We carried on with a little guidance from her equally unhelpful map on her phone trying to find our way back on the correct trail.

Just when we thought we were on the right path, a new trail marking would confuse matters.

At one point, we arrived at an unexpected hidden creek covered by lush greenery. After taking in the unexpected beauty in this small part of the desert, we toiled on in search of our path.

What should have been a 1 mile loop turned into hours of unplanned hiking and at some point, our new companion was feeling the weight of exhaustion and confusion and wanted to head another direction.

Though I understood her exhaustion, I urged her to trust my husband’s instincts, stating “he’s a Marine … I trust he trained well enough for this.” And with that one statement, she decided to continue with us and it wasn’t too long before we were back to the main road heading toward our vehicles.

Despite having taken numerous unexpected twists and turns, that hike was one of my favorite hikes I’d ever been on. It wasn’t the easy, quick hike we’d planned for, but it was certainly the most I’d ever felt like an explorer.

Our marriage feels pretty darned similar!

There are days when it feels more like a trek through the wilderness with no end in sight. But those rough patches are where the real growth happens. If you throw in the towel too soon, you miss out on the deeper understanding of yourself and your partner that only comes from working through the hard times together.

Divorce is not the answer (nor is it all cure-all), though it may provide temporary relief.

The problems you’re facing now won’t magically disappear; in fact, they often follow you into your next relationship. What’s worse, divorce can leave you with a lingering sense of ‘what if’—what if we had tried harder, communicated better, or simply been more patient?

What’s your version of being ‘lost’ in marriage? Is it miscommunication, unmet expectations, or the monotony of routines?

What unexpected beauty might you uncover if you push through the challenges?

From Expectations to Appreciation

One of the biggest reasons couples consider divorce is because of unrealistic expectations. We all go into marriage with a set of hopes and dreams, but reality doesn’t always align with those ideals. Maybe you expected your partner to be perfect, always understanding, always patient. But let’s face it, nobody’s perfect—not even you.

When our expectations don’t match up with reality, it’s easy to start blaming our partner for the disappointments. But here’s a tough truth: it’s often our own expectations that need adjusting. Instead of seeing your partner’s flaws as deal-breakers, try viewing them as opportunities for both of you to grow. Marriage is about learning to love and appreciate each other, flaws and all—not about finding someone who ticks every box on your list.

Finding the Beauty in the Struggle

In the middle of a rough patch, it’s easy to forget all the good times you’ve had together. But those memories are important—they’re the foundation of your relationship. Think back to why you fell in love in the first place.

What were the moments that made you smile, laugh, or feel deeply connected?

As relationship expert John Gottman notes, couples who consistently turn toward each other during conflict have a higher chance of staying together. The goal isn’t to avoid conflict but to meet it head-on with compassion and understanding, knowing that even the hardest moments can help you grow closer.

Keeping those memories alive can help you see past the current difficulties and remind you of the love that’s still there. It’s easy to let the daily grind—work, chores, raising kids—overshadow the joy you once found in each other. But by actively remembering and celebrating the good times, you can reignite that spark and find the strength to push through the tough moments.

The Dangers of a “Disposable Relationship” Mentality

We live in a world where everything seems disposable—from our gadgets to our relationships. When something breaks, we’re quick to toss it and get a new one. But marriage isn’t like that. It’s not something you can just replace when it gets hard. It takes time, effort, and a whole lot of patience to build something that lasts.

Divorce might seem like an easy escape when things get tough, but it often creates more problems than it solves. Instead of looking for the exit, try finding ways to bring excitement and variety into your relationship. Plan romantic dates, surprise each other with little gestures, or take a trip together. The key is to nurture your relationship, not abandon it at the first sign of trouble.

Divorce: The Aftermath

Divorce isn’t just a legal process—it’s an emotional one, too. And let’s be honest, it’s messy. It tears apart what took years to build and often leaves everyone involved feeling more broken than before. And if you have kids, the impact is even greater. They’re the silent sufferers in all of this, dealing with the fallout in ways that can affect them for years to come.

Before you make the decision to end your marriage, think about what’s at stake. Divorce may seem like the only way out, but it’s not. With effort, understanding, and a commitment to growth, it’s possible to rebuild your relationship into something even stronger than before.

The Opportunity for Growth

Marriage is one of the most challenging and rewarding journeys you’ll ever undertake. The tough times aren’t just obstacles—they’re opportunities for growth. Working through these challenges together can deepen your connection, build resilience, and bring you closer in ways you never imagined.

Instead of viewing divorce as the answer, try to see your struggles as a chance to grow—both as individuals and as a couple. It’s not about winning or losing; it’s about learning and evolving together. And in the end, that’s what makes a marriage truly worth fighting for.

Final Thoughts

Divorce might seem like the easiest route when marriage gets tough, but what if the struggle is part of the journey? What if the detours and challenges are helping you build something stronger?

The best marriages aren’t those without conflict—they’re the ones where both partners commit to finding their way back to each other, even when the path isn’t clear.

Although I understand it’s not easy sometimes, I have found practicing gratitude to be the most consistent way for me to squash negative thoughts about my relationship. Even in the worst moments, remembering the good reminds me I always have a reason to fight for my marriage.

But, gratitude takes practice!

Want help getting started with your own gratitude practice?

What’s one thing you can do this week to reconnect with your partner?